Has it struck you as strange how lifeless are the three right-wing candidates for Labour leadership (or “moderates” as the press calls them) when they debate on TV, when they address tiny meetings in community halls, or when they fearlessly abstain in Parliament? We can reveal that this problem – what shall we call it? the New Labour zombie effect? – may have sunk much deeper into the Labour Party apparatus than was previously imagined.
Meet Maria, Sara, Emilia and Jvlia (and that’s not a typo). These charming young women have several curious things in common: the uniform blandness of their names, the stock photo attractiveness of their solitary photos, and their bizarrely recent joining of the facebook empire, given their age (in their 20s, all of them).
Further investigation makes things look even odder.
Maria Wilson, age 25, first post 6th August 2015, is a fan of Archway Kebab in Jeremy Corbyn’s constituency, despite living in California City, California (pop: 14,120).
Sara Edward, age 25, law graduate from Bournemouth University, first post 5th September 2015, is a resident of New York, Norfolk, a hamlet in the Broads affectionately known as “The Little Apple”. I made that last bit up. It does not of course exist.
I’m fascinated by Emilia Brown (above), also 25, who graduated in psychology at Nottingham University, but previously studied at Nottingham High School, New Jersey. I’m guessing she’s now looking for a job in Nottingham, Alabama.
Jvlia Jones, age 28, first post 25th August 2015, lives in London, but strangely is a fan of the unofficial Gosport Labour Party supporters’ page in true-blue Hampshire.
The other thing that these keen new users of social media have in common is that they have all “friended” leading members of the Stop the War Coalition, and many other Corbyn supporters. And the lovely Jvlia includes Sian Berry, Green Party candidate for London mayor in her “friends”.
What can these classic social media “sock puppets” actually be doing? Is it really possible that they’re part of a plot to find evidence to exclude Corbyn voters from the leadership election? I can’t shake the image in my head of a male, middle-aged Mandelsonian clone tapping away into his computer, endlessly recreating himself as these attractive young women. In what are hopefully its dog days, can the “Old New Labour” Party get more ridiculous?
Addendum: We continue to investigate this phenomenon. An alternative theory is that the sock puppets are sponsored by the Israeli government, and may be designed to associate Stop the War activists with anti-semitic posts. Jvlia Jones has already made one such post. Or possibly to attack Corbyn himself, given the difference his leadership of the Labour Party would make for the Palestinian cause……
UPDATE 9 September: Since I posted this alert yesterday, two of these false friends, Jvlia Jones and Emilia Brown, have been overcome by bashfulness, and have deleted their fb accounts.
But there are many more young women seeking friendship with wizened old Leftists, a really welcome sign of the times.
Caitlin Edward, account created 7th September, has made no posts at all, but is presumably the younger, more hip sister of Sara Edward (see above).
Lucy King, age 23, first post 21st August, friend of the usual overlap between socialists and Greens, lives in Chelmsford, so may be a UKIP spy. Except that it’s Chelmsford, New South Wales. Are you noticing any pattern here?
Ella Walker is the senior in the group at 44, but looking good for her age. In addition to a predictable taste for StW, the PSC, CND and Save Shaker, she has also joined a new group called “Mark’s Zionist Sock Puppets”. When Zionist sock puppets are joining groups of Zionist sock puppets, I fear this may all be a Kafkaesque plot to send Corbyn supporters into clinical paranoia, or at least terminal confusion.